Sarcastic Humor Quotes

/ Tag List / Sarcastic Humor

1. “Ah yes…” He made an exaggerated nod. “I was supposed to be filling you in on Nangí’s story.” He winked at me playfully, as I kept up my glare. “Now, where should I begin?”“Tell you what, let me get you started,” I came back. “Once upon a time, there was this über-creepy old man—who looks like he lives in a haunted shack and eats small children for breakfast—and I decided to make him my new best friend becaaauuse… Okay, your turn.”

Tags : Creepy Humor Paranormal Romance Sarcastic Humor Snarky Remarks
Author : M.A. George
Source : Relativity

2. “It's weird, marriage. It's like this license that gives a person the legal right to control their spouse / their 'other half.”

Tags : Control Control Freaks Control Issues Cynic Cynical Cynical Humor Cynicism Lust Lust For Everything Marriage Married Life Sarcasm Sarcastic Sarcastic Humor Spouse Spouses
Author : Jess C. Scott
Source : Blind Leading Another

3. “I'll never understand ninety-nine percent of humanity. - Enoch”

Tags : Attitude Confusion Critical Enoch Humor Inspirational Life Miss Peregrine Peculiar Ransom Riggs Sarcastic Sarcastic Humor Spunk
Author : Ransom Riggs
Source : Hollow City

4. “If money’s the god people worship, I’d rather go worship the devil instead.”

Tags : Commercialism Core Core Of The Soul Core Values Devil God Humor Humour Job Materialism Mm Money Rat Race Religion Rockstar Sarcasm Sarcastic Sarcastic Humor Sarcastic Quotes Satan Society Work Working Worship Yaoi
Author : Jess C. Scott
Source : Rockstar

5. “One might be led to suspect that there were all sorts of things going on in the Universe which he or she did not thoroughly understand.”

Tags : Existentialism Humor Sarcastic Humor Satire
Author : Kurt Vonnegut
Source : Slaughterhouse-Five

6. “it seems politicians projected the powerful brand called Ambedkar, rather than his ideologies. Like the ad says 'name is enough.”

Tags : Humour Political Sarcastic Humor
Author : Anoop Raghav

7. “It’s a sad state of affairs when I’m the one bringing sanity to the equation”

Tags : Equation Humor Paranormal Romance Sanity Sarcastic Humor
Author : M.A. George
Source : Relativity

8. “I didn’t intend it to come out sarcastically, but I guess that’s just where my tone of voice automatically goes these days.”

Tags : Paranormal Romance Sarcasm Sarcastic Humor
Author : M.A. George
Source : Relativity

9. “Phrase the question any way you like…The answer will still be ‘Kiss my ass.”

Tags : Humor Kiss My Ass Paranormal Romance Sarcastic Humor
Author : M.A. George
Source : Relativity

10. “I decided that a movie marathon was clearly in order. I tried to narrow down the options. Anything romantic was definitely out, as was anything involving space travel, kings, or handsome princes. Preferably there should be no good-looking men whatsoever, lest they remind me of Aeron. Sadly, that eliminated practically everything.”

Tags : Humor Movie Reference Paranormal Romance Sarcastic Humor
Author : M.A. George
Source : Proximity

11. “Yeah, sure,” I scoffed. “You’re the picture of respectability and moral character…You expect me to believe you were your parents’ worst nightmare? What was your criminal act of choice—drunken bar fights? Or maybe grand theft auto? Don’t tell me you sold the crown jewels to buy drugs…It’s so disappointingly cliché.”

Tags : Humor Paranormal Romance Sarcastic Humor
Author : M.A. George
Source : Proximity

12. “Seriously, Palta…” He was honestly puzzled, “I haven’t got a clue what you’re talking about. What about your ears is supposed to be so bizarre?”“Um…You’d have to be blind to miss them,” I replied sarcastically. “If you’re not, you will be when you poke your eye out on one of them.”

Tags : Aliens Ears Humor Paranormal Romance Sarcastic Humor
Author : M.A. George
Source : Proximity

13. “Mr. Sand, do you think it's possible to fall in love in the space of a single day?"He smiled. "I wouldn't know. I only fall in love at night. Never lasts beyond breakfast, though.”

Tags : Sage Advice Sarcastic Humor
Author : Tessa Dare
Source : A Week to Be Wicked

14. “Half is better than none unless it be of a wit.”

Tags : Fool Half Wit Humor Sarcastic Humor Wit Witty Quotes

15. “I appreciate thieves who do their research, but at least you recognize worth when you see it.”

Tags : Middle Grade Sarcastic Humor Thieves
Author : M.L. LeGette
Source : The Orphan and the Thief

16. “His son Peter Bucky happily spent time driving Einstein around, and he later wrote down some of his recollections in extensive notebooks. They provide a delightful picture of the mildly eccentric but deeply un-affected Einstein in his later years. Peter tells, for example, of driving in his convertible with Einstein when it suddenly started to rain. Einstein pulled off his hat and put it under his coat. When Peter looked quizzical, Einstein explained: “You see, my hair has withstood water many times before, but I don’t know how many times my hat can.”

Tags : Einstein Einstein Quotes Einstein S Life Funny Sarcastic Humor
Source : Einstein: His Life and Universe

17. “Oh. Sure. It makes perfect sense. Zane is a wolf because his father is an eagle.”

Tags : Adventure Comical Early Readers Fantasy Sarcastic Humor Shapeshifters Wolf
Source : Into the Hills: A Zane Johns Adventure

18. “The great thing about the Internet isn't that you can reconnect with old friends or stay up to date with developing world events or send pictures of newborns immediately around the world. It is simply that you can log on to from anywhere and order fresh underwear immediately after seeing your life flash before your eyes.”

Tags : Facebook Family Friends Humor Life Newborns Online Shopping Sarcastic Humor Social Media
Source : Write like no one is reading

19. “No one plows the field just by thinking about it.”

Tags : Aphorism Field Fieldwork Ironic Ironical Irony Plow Plowing Quote Sarcasm Sarcastic Humor Think Think Big Think Different Thinking Work Working Hard
Source : The New Land

20. “140characters is twitter's simple way of saying 'know your limits”

Tags : Sarcastic Humor Social Media Quotes Twitter Twitter Quotes

21. “Whoosh! went the bluebird of sarcasm, zooming miles above Dale’s head.”

Tags : Fiction Fantasy Magic School Obliviousness Sarcasm Sarcastic Humor
Source : The Turn of the Story

22. “The worst thing about the dead rising? (Other than, you know, all the zombies?) The smell. Nothing kills the mood like the odor of three day old road kill and poo... -Katherine Anita Cho(KyCH)”

Tags : Humor Humorous Sarcastic Sarcastic Humor
Author : Shawn Durnin

23. “Why do people who so obviously hate children have so many of them? Audrey asked...Because they hate everyone else more. Their bratty kids are their revenge on a society that has denied them the riches they so rightly deserve.”

Tags : Cynical Humor Humor Sarcastic Humor
Source : We Are the Ants

24. “… but as even the stupidest toddler knows, covering your eyes makes you invisible.”

Tags : Children S Literature Humor Invisibility Sarcastic Humor
Author : Heidi Schulz
Source : Hook's Revenge

25. “You're a big, lovable teddy bear.”

Tags : Diana Orc Sarcastic Humor Teddy Bear
Author : Michael Grant

26. “Just because it looks like a leprechaun and talks like a leprechaun, it doesn't mean it can't act like the little fucking demon it is.”

Tags : Jinxie Jinxie G Kick Ass Girls Club Kickass Heroine Leprechaun Nemesis Sarcasm Sarcastic Humor
Author : N.L. Gervasio
Source : Nemesis

27. “Ok look man, you clearly are not hard up for money, you’re driving a range rover, so call whoever has your jaguar or benz and ask them to help you out. I got things to do.”

Tags : Humor Rude Sarcastic Humor
Author : Holly Hood
Source : Prison of Paradise

28. “She bared her teeth at me. “Screw you, shifter!”“Ah, is our honeymoon period over so quickly? You wanted to jump my bones just a second ago.”

Tags : Funny Honeymoon Humour Innuendo Sarcastic Humor Shifter
Author : Cori Moore
Source : Half Breed

29. “My cock actually sort of staggers like a punch-drunk boxer who doesn’t know when to stay down.”

Tags : Arousal Awesome Bdsm Mm Romance Sarcastic Humor Sex
Author : Alexis Hall

30. “Kidnapped by a vampire, death by a squid. How tragic.”

Tags : Giant Squid Sarcastic Humor Violet Lee
Author : Abigail Gibbs
Source : Dinner with a Vampire

31. “No, Paige. I am trying to help you.""Go to hell.""I already exist on a level of hell.""Exist on one that isn't near mine.”

Tags : Sarcastic Humor
Source : The Bone Season

32. “Too young,too young,she chanted to herself.Wrong,of course.I was older than her grandfather but according to my driver's license,she was right.”

Tags : Sarcastic Humor
Source : Midnight Sun

33. “...but, dear me, let us be elegant or die.”

Tags : Sarcastic Humor
Source : Little Women

34. “Nobody should have to die to a crappy soundtrack”

Tags : Humor Sarcastic Humor
Author : James R. Tuck
Source : Blood and Bullets

35. “I know, 0 Caesar, that thou art awaiting my arrival with impatience, that thy true heart of a friend is yearning day and night for me. I know that thou art ready to cover me with gifts, make me prefect of the pretorian guards, and command Tigellinus to be that which the gods made him, a mule-driver in those lands which thou didst inherit after poisoning Domitius. Pardon me, however, for I swear to thee by Hades, and by the shades of thy mother, thy wife, thy brother, and Seneca, that I cannot go to thee. Life is a great treasure. I have taken the most precious jewels from that treasure, but in life there are many things which I cannot endure any longer. Do not suppose, I pray, that I am offended because thou didst kill thy mother, thy wife, and thy brother; that thou didst burn Eome and send to Erebus all the honest men in thy dominions. No, grandson of Chronos. Death is the inheritance of man; from thee other deeds could not have been expected. But to destroy one's ear for whole years with thy poetry, to see thy belly of a Domitius on slim legs whirled about in a Pyrrhic dance; to hear thy music, thy declamation, thy doggerel verses, wretched poet of the suburbs, — is a thing surpassing my power, and it has roused in me the wish to die. Eome stuffs its ears when it hears thee; the world reviles thee. I can blush for thee no longer, and I have no wish to do so. The howls of Cerberus, though resembling thy music, will be less offensive to me, for I have never been the friend of Cerberus, and I need not be ashamed of his howling. Farewell, but make no music; commit murder, but write no verses; poison people, but dance not; be an incendiary, but play not on a cithara. This is the wish and the last friendly counsel sent thee by the — Arbiter Elegantiae.”

Tags : Nero Petronius Sarcastic Humor
Source : Quo Vadis

36. “Or, I could just sit in the bushes and pump the hand pumpuntil the plumbing was superpressurized to 110 psi. This way, whensomeone goes to flush a toilet, the toilet tank will explode. At 150 psi, ifsomeone turns on the shower, the water pressure will blow off the showerhead, strip the threads, blam, the shower head turns into a mortar shell.Tyler only says this to make me feel better. The truth is I like my boss.Besides, I'm enlightened now. You know, only Buddha-style behavior.”

Tags : Sarcastic Humor
Source : Fight Club

37. “Rupert: "... At this rate, somebody is bound to upset the Warlock once too often, and we'll end up with a Court full of bemused looking toads.""He wouldn't dare use his magic here," said the Champion."Don't bet on it," said Rupert. "The High Warlock has all the practicality and self-preservation instincts of a depressed lemming.”

Tags : Fantasy Sarcastic Humor
Source : Blue Moon Rising

38. “Mr. Fogg accordingly tasted the dish, but, despite its spiced sauce, found it far from palatable. He rang for the landlord, and, on his appearance, said, fixing his clear eyes upon him, "Is this rabbit, sir?""Yes, my lord," the rogue boldly replied, "rabbit from the jungles.""And this rabbit did not mew when he was killed?""Mew, my lord! What, a rabbit mew! I swear to you—""Be so good, landlord, as not to swear, but remember this: cats were formerly considered, in India, as sacred animals. That was a good time.""For the cats, my lord?""Perhaps for the travellers as well!”

Tags : Sarcastic Humor
Author : Jules Verne
Source : Around the World in Eighty Days

39. “Want some help with help with that stick in your ass, love?" "No. It's quite comfortable, thank you.""It should be. It's been in there for years." Nix winked at Will. "I hope you'll forgive my wife. She's a bit antisocial.""And water's a bit wet.”

Tags : Sarcastic Humor
Author : S.W. Vaughn
Source : Skin Deep

40. “Christians rejected the need for proof to support belief in God, yet dismissed proof altogether when it was there.”

Tags : Religion Sarcastic Humor
Author : Kira Peikoff
Source : Living Proof

41. “I was debating on jumping and ending my despair over losing my best friend, but I decided to call you instead.”

Tags : Sarcastic Humor
Author : Holly Hood
Source : Ink

42. “Are you fighting evil tonight?...Then you are doing the Lord's work. Shut the fuck up.”

Tags : Sarcastic Humor
Author : James R. Tuck
Source : Blood and Bullets

43. “Aren't you supposed to say that everything is going to be okay?”

Tags : Sarcastic Humor
Author : C.V. Hunt
Source : Legacy

44. “Don't waste yer' breath kid. Explainin' anything to that one? It's like tryin' ta' slap the dumb off a retard... -George Foster”

Tags : Humor Military Humor Sarcasm Sarcastic Humor
Author : Shawn Durnin

45. “Will you accept me?" Fury"No. I'm here naked with you because all my clothes fell off by accident and I can't find them." Angelia"You're a sarcastic little critter, aren't you?" Fury"I learned it from you." Angelia”

Tags : Sarcastic Humor
Source : Dark Bites

46. “Brave lodgings for one, brave lodgings for one,A few feet of cold earth, when life is done;A stone at the head, a stone at the feet,A rich, juicy meal for the worms to eat;Rank grass over head, and damp clay around,Brave lodgings for one, these, in holy ground!”

Tags : Sarcastic Humor
Source : The Complete Ghost Stories of Charles Dickens

47. “Wes sat in a cracked vinyl booth picking at his fries and listening to Amanda go on and on about the dress she'd found. '...and it has these little lavender bows. Oh, Wes, I can't wait 'til you see it.' She gesticulated wildly, and her only saving grace right now was her amazing rack that swayed and bounced with each movement. Sometimes he swore that was the only reason he ever looked crosswise at Amanda Price. That, and her daddy's checkbook. 'And I found these shoes--" 'Uh huh, that's nice,' he cut her off and slid free from the booth. He held out his hand. 'Got the card?' He waved the bill in the air at her questioning gaze. Was she a little cross-eyed, maybe? He thought so.”

Tags : Drama Humor Sarcasm Sarcastic Humor
Source : Midnight Masquerade

48. “I've lived my life devoid of the whole teenage angst for so long, I'm not sure I can handle all this. I'm not built dor it.”

Tags : Lindsey Ouimet Sarcastic Humor What S A Soulmate
Source : What's a Soulmate?

49. “Because I’m a glutton for punishment, I guess. Or because I’m the cat curiosity is scheduled to kill in approximately six hours.”

Tags : Lindsey Ouimet Sarcastic Humor What S A Soulmate
Source : What's a Soulmate?

50. “You're going on a date with the devil. All you need is some pepper spray and a fire extinguisher.”

Tags : Humor Sarcastic Humor

51. “My instincts told me that death would somehow be…different. But my rational mind reminded me that I had probably tempted fate one too many times. At least, I thought it was my rational mind. It sure seemed like the usual voice inside my head. Thank God there was only one of them.”

Tags : Humor Paranormal Romance Sarcastic Humor Voices Inside Your Head
Author : M.A. George
Source : Relativity

52. “Some people stride toward a better future. Others have chauffeurs.”

Tags : Aphorism Aphorisms Aphorist Aphoristically Better Better Future Better Place Better World Chauffeurs Easy Life Funny Future Humor Humorous Quotes Life And Living Other People Others People S Lives Others Point Of View People Nature Quote Sarcasm Sarcastic Humor Some Some People Striding Toward Toward Others
Source : The New Land

53. “If all it takes to motivate you is a quote then this quote has nothing to say – except to go soar with the freakin’ eagles.”

Tags : Business Humor Eagles Humor Humor Quotes Motivation Motivational Quote Quotes Sarcastic Sarcastic Humor Sarcastic Quotes
Author : Ryan Lilly

54. “Trying to make her angry is like trying to find a corner on a bowling ball.”

Tags : Funny Mouthy Little Git Passive Aggressive Sarcastic Humor
Author : Craig McLay
Source : Village Books

55. “Look at the world and think about a catastrophic disaster where the cell phone towers went dead. How would you ever be able to 'TEXT" your next door neighbor to see if they were okay”

Tags : Cell Phones Sarcasim Sarcastic Humor Texting
Source : Return to Stantasyland

56. “Have you caught cold?''It would appear so.''You could give it to Margaret,' Ramses suggested. His uncle turned the tinted spectacles toward him and then, unexpectedly, bust into laughter. 'What a charming idea. Will you aid and abet me when I catch her in a close embrace and breathe heavily on her?”

Tags : Humor Ramses Sarcastic Humor
Source : Tomb of the Golden Bird

57. “I won’t leave you. What if you have another contraction? What if your water breaks and they rush you into the delivery room? What if there are complications?” He asked hoarsely, his eyes dilating more with each anxious question. And Theresa rolled her eyes in exasperation.“I doubt any of those things will happen in the two minutes it would take you to leave the room and get a cup of coffee, Sandro,” she sighed impatiently.”

Tags : Humor Husband Wife Problem Solution Labor Pregnancy Sarcastic Humor
Source : The Unwanted Wife

58. “Oh, well, you go to poor school." He gives a comic eye roll. "At rich school, we take notes on hundred-dollar bills using unicorn tears, and our grief is vastly different and more complex.”

Tags : Hit Sarcastic Humor
Source : Hit

59. “Non subisco mai l'autorità delle perturbazioni atmosferiche né delle divisioni convenzionali del tempo. Sarei lieto di riabilitare l'uso della pipa d'oppio e del kriss malese, ma ignoro quello di quegli strumenti infinitamente più perniciosi e d'altronde piattamente borghesi, l'orologio e l'ombrello.”

Tags : Sarcastic Humor Whether
Author : Marcel Proust
Source : Swann's Way

60. “You better learn to regulate your perspiration. This is not collision theft. To flush is a sign that you’re hard at work. Nobody works hard riding the tram—not even the driver.”

Tags : Educational Sarcastic Humor
Source : In Pocket

61. “Women strive to be the change they want to see in the mirror.”

Tags : Aphorism Change Change The World Driving Force Fake People False Humour Irony Make Up Quote Quotes Sarcasm Sarcastic Humor See Strive Strive For More Strive To Achieve Success Strive To Be Better Strive To Become A Better You Superficial Want Women S Inspirational Women S Rights Women Strength
Source : The New Land

62. “Before going out i stood in such a way that i could see the face in the wooden flooring. And i was really Christ.”

Tags : Humor Sarcastic Humor
Source : Min kamp 1

63. “Give the wilding an axe, why not?" He pointed out Mormont's weapon, a short-hafted battle-axe with gold scrollwork inlaid on the black steel blade. "He'll give it back, I vow. Buried in the Old Bear's skull, like as not. why not give him all our axes, and our swords as well? I mislike the way the clank and rattle as we ride. We'd travel faster without them, straight to hell's door. Does it rain in hell, I wonder? Perhaps Craster would like a nice hat instead."Jon smiled. "He wants an axe. And wine as well.""See, the Old Bear's clever. If we get the wildling well and truly drunk, perhaps he'll only cut off an ear when he tries to slay us with that axe. I have two ears but only one head.”

Tags : Dark Humor Sarcastic Humor
Source : A Clash of Kings

64. “There’s an empty seat next to me in the ‘intensely aggravating’ section…and it’s got your name on it”

Tags : Aggravating Paranormal Romance Sarcastic Humor
Author : M.A. George
Source : Relativity

65. “Just kissing?" Jace's tone mocked her with its false hurt. "How swiftly you dismiss our love”

Tags : Clace Humor Jace Moment Love Sarcastic Humor
Source : City of Bones

66. “The TARDIS can look like whatever it wants.”

Tags : Doctor Who Jokes Sarcastic Humor
Author : Mora Early
Source : Twisted Arrangement

67. “Son, my dad said, every man needs a bitter, resentful woman in his life. Because there's nothing more touching to a mother's heart than to know that her son thinks of her constantly.”

Tags : Bitter Crazy Life Man Mother Resentful Sarcasm Sarcastic Humor Son Touching Woman
Source : Write like no one is reading

68. “If this constant bitter disappointment was love, then I was perfectly fine not to have anything to do with it.”

Tags : Bitterness Breakup Disappointment Giving Up On Love Love Love Hurts Pain Relationship Sad Sadness Sarcastic Sarcastic Humor Sarcastic Love Quotes Sarcastic Quotes
Author : Vann Chow
Source : Shanghai Nobody

69. “I’d venture to guess that a list of things you know nothing about could fill volumes.”

Tags : Knowledge Sarcastic Humor Sarcastic Quotes
Author : Heidi Schulz
Source : Hook's Revenge

70. “unsettling, like seeing Stalin on a skateboard.”

Tags : Descriptive Sarcastic Humor Witty
Source : Starter for Ten

71. “Brian's face broke out in a wide grin as he slapped Roarke on the back. "That's a woman, isn't it?""Delicate as a rose, my Eve. Fragile and quiet natured." He grinned himself when he heard her curse, loud and vicious. "A voice like a flute.""And you're sloppy in love with her.""Pitifully.”

Tags : Hilarious Love Sarcastic Humor
Author : J.D. Robb
Source : Vengeance in Death

72. “What is it with people wanting to kill me lately? I’m starting to take it personally.”

Tags : Kill Sarcastic Humor
Source : Sixpence & Whiskey

73. “The Healing spells on his chest were certainly earning their keep tonight. Sullivan got to his feet. The lack of noise from the courtyard indicated that his team had gotten all the mechanical men. “Thanks.”Toru just grunted a noncommittal response as he lifted the feed tray to check the condition of his borrowed machine gun. They didn’t see the final robot inside until it turned on its eye and illuminated the Iron Guard in blue light.Sullivan’s Spike reversed gravity, and the gigantic machine fell upward to hit the steel beams in the ceiling. Sullivan cut his Power and the robot dropped. It crashed hard into the floor where it lay twitching and kicking. The two of them riddled the mechanical man with bullets until the light died and it lay still in a spreading puddle of oil.“Normally, this would be the part where you thank me for returning the favor and saving your life.”“Yes. Normally… If we were court ladies instead of warriors,” Toru answered. “Shall we continue onward or do you wish to stop and discuss your feelings over tea?”Sullivan looked forward to the day that the two of them would be able to finish their fight. “Let’s go.”

Tags : Alternate History Guns Magic Sarcastic Humor
Author : Larry Correia
Source : Spellbound

74. “I don't usually tell people to go to hell, but when I do I'm happy to give directions.”

Tags : Badassery Humor Sarcastic Humor
Author : Ant Richards
Source : In Your Dreams

75. “It's not that we have more patience as we grow older, it's just that we're too tired to care about all the pointless drama”

Tags : Ageing Life Lessons Sarcastic Humor
Author : Karen Gibbs
Source : A Gallery of Scrapbook Creations

76. “Goody. That must be why they were looking for a 22-caliber anything when they came by with their search warrant this morning.''They didn't!''They did.''When?''Oddly enough, right before I upped my meds.”

Tags : Bipolar Disorder Police Sarcasm Sarcastic Sarcastic Humor Search Search Warrant
Author : Sandra Balzo
Source : Triple Shot

77. “I paused for a moment, debating whether to turn and look what was happening. My senses told me Obo’s presence was still at my side, and turning my face into the barrel of a gun seemed like an ill-advised way to cap off this day of monumentally stupid decisions.”

Tags : Humor Paranormal Romance Sarcastic Humor Stupid Decisions
Author : M.A. George
Source : Relativity

78. “You’re starting to sound like one of those songs that DJ’s play when they wanna clear out the dancefloor.”

Tags : Funny Quotes Sarcastic Humor The Dissolve
Author : Alex Bergauer
Source : The Dissolve

79. “Hey!” Mena exclaimed “Don’t knock Jeopardy. I love that show”“So do I” Max admitted.“I like it when I know the answers.” Logan added.Trent turned to Logan, “Dude, if you hate the show, all you had to do was say so.”

Tags : Humorous Quotes Sarcastic Humor
Author : Amanda Kelly
Source : Shifting Shadows

80. “It’s like a jolt of electricity, but worse.”

Tags : Angels Fantasy Humor Sarcastic Humor Young Adult
Author : Lee Davidson
Source : Satellite, The Satellite Trilogy Part 1

81. “I know the power of speech. I don't talk much.”

Tags : Aphorism Cautious Don T Talk Too Muchalk Irony Misunderstanding Power Power Of Speec Quote Sarcasm Sarcastic Humor Speech Talk Words
Source : The New Land

82. “Politics to me was the whining of an old braggart too proud to admit his faults and too vain to try something new. All of their agendas and manifestos were nothing but a lucrative offer to deceive the fools and encourage the clever in deceiving more fools.”

Tags : Adhish Mazumder Quotes Agenda Quotes Election Quotes Fools Quotes Funny Quotes Humor Quotes Inspirational Quotes Life Lessons Life Quotes Manifesto Quotes Political Definition Political Game Politicians Politics Defined Politics Quotes Sarcasm Sarcastic Humor Sarcastic Quotes
Source : Solemn Tales of Human Hearts

83. “When friends become overfriendly - smell fish!”

Tags : Fishy Quotes Friends Quotes Golden Truths Overfriendly Quotes Sarcasm Sarcastic Humor Sarcastic Quotes
Source : Solemn Tales of Human Hearts

84. “Never trust your colleagues. Work politics are founded by them.”

Tags : Politics Quotes Sarcasm Sarcastic Humor Sarcastic Quotes Trust Quotes Truth Quotes Wisdom Quotes Work Politics Quotes
Source : Solemn Tales of Human Hearts

85. “I don't spend money on books. I write them myself.”

Tags : Aphorism Author Authors Books Irony Poor Quality Quote Sarcasm Sarcastic Humor Spend Spend Money Write Writer Writers On Writing
Source : The New Land

86. “But you know as well as I do that anger won’t solve anything.”“I beg to differ,” he shrugged. “Anger can be quite rewarding…at least for those of us who have the option of blasting our enemies to oblivion.”

Tags : Anger Enemies Humor Paranormal Romance Sarcastic Humor
Author : M.A. George
Source : Relativity

87. “I wish I could say I’m low maintenance, but I like some of the finer things in life…like a toothbrush.”

Tags : Humor Low Maintenance Paranormal Romance Sarcastic Humor The Finer Things In Life
Author : M.A. George
Source : Proximity

88. “See, that’s just it…You shouldn’t even know sayings like that,” I griped. “It takes normal people years to pick up on all those little phrases. Do you have any idea how stupid I feel, when I can’t even say ‘Hello, my name is Palta…Oh, and by the way—I’m the village idiot.’?”

Tags : Humor Paranormal Romance Sarcastic Humor
Author : M.A. George
Source : Relativity

89. “Aeron’s stone-faced expression cracked, as he turned to give me a dumbfounded look. Meeting his questioning eyes, I let out a little annoyed sigh, “I refuse to believe that you don’t know the meaning of ‘cojones’.”“I’m well aware of the meaning,” he raised his eyebrows, fighting back a smile. “Just a little surprised at your choice of words…”“Yeah, I can really paint a verbal picture,” I responded dryly.”

Tags : Humor Paranormal Romance Sarcastic Humor
Author : M.A. George
Source : Relativity

90. “I’m not familiar with this word you were repeating before…‘cojones’, was it?”I blushed as Dominick patted me on the back. “Way to introduce him to the vernacular, Palta.”

Tags : Cojones Humor Paranormal Romance Sarcastic Humor
Author : M.A. George
Source : Relativity

91. “Don’t be so concerned,” he whispered. “We will get through this, I promise.” “What makes you so certain?” I couldn’t help my skepticism.“We have no other choice,” he replied matter-of-factly. “Is that really all you can come up with?” I scowled. “Couldn’t you just lie and tell me you have some kind of secret badass weapon that is going to make this a piece of cake?”

Tags : Humor Paranormal Romance Sarcastic Humor
Author : M.A. George
Source : Proximity

92. “I can only imagine what goes on in that head of yours…” he teased. “I assure you I haven’t taken up black magic, ritualistic sacrifice, or—”“Plushophilia?” I tagged on.“Excuse me?…” came his half-confused, half-intrigued reaction.“An obsession with stuffed animals,” I clarified. “I mean, you are a young one…”“Where did you come up with that?” He kept his hands firmly covering my eyes, but I could hear the amused smile in his voice. “Is that even a real word?”“I’m a doctor, I know these things,” I shrugged.”

Tags : Humor Paranormal Romance Sarcastic Humor
Author : M.A. George
Source : Relativity

93. “You get a kick out of shocking the pants off me, don’t you?” I shook my head with a smirk.He just shrugged with a playful smile, his eyes momentarily flitting toward my pants before returning to meet my gaze.“It’s an expression,” I rolled my eyes. “Don’t tell me you aren’t familiar with it, Mr. Smarty Pants.”“You have quite a repertoire of ‘pants’ references, don’t you?”

Tags : Humor Pants Paranormal Romance Sarcastic Humor
Author : M.A. George
Source : Relativity

94. “Think of mental energy as broadcasting on a certain wavelength,” he tried to explain. “People with powers of the mind can tap into that wavelength…”“That’s all fine and good,” I nodded, “but evidently my transmitter is broken. Or much more likely…I never had one in the first place.”“Ah, yes,” he nodded unenthusiastically, “and your nose is mounted upside-down.”“Excuse me?” My forehead creased.“I do wish you would quit contradicting me,” he let out a tired sigh. “It’s insulting…and highly annoying.”

Tags : Dry Humor Paranormal Romance Sarcastic Humor
Author : M.A. George
Source : Relativity

95. “The cleanest civilization I’ve ever seen…and the number one thing you pack for a wedding is a jar of dirt?”

Tags : Jar Of Dirt Paranormal Romance Sarcastic Humor Wedding Traditions
Author : M.A. George
Source : Relativity

96. “Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.”

Tags : Sarcastic Humor
Author : Groucho Marx

97. “Though he’d never know for sure what had happened to them, his mind was super talented at imagining the absolute worst.”

Tags : Sarcastic Humor
Author : James Dashner
Source : The Kill Order

98. “I'd tell you nice try, but... it wasn't.”

Tags : Humor Sarcasm Sarcastic Humor
Author : Cynder

99. “I believe in luck: how else can you explain the success of those you don't like?”

Tags : Sarcastic Humor
Author : Jean Cocteau

100. “I feel your scorn, and I accept it.”

Tags : Sarcastic Humor
Author : Jon Stewart

101. “The 100% American is 99% idiot.”

Tags : Sarcastic Humor

102. “You have delighted us long enough.”

Tags : Sarcastic Humor
Author : Jane Austen
Source : Pride and Prejudice

103. “It is not necesssary to understand things in order to argue about them.”

Tags : Sarcastic Humor

104. “As far as bad ideas went, this stole the prize.”

Tags : Bridgerton Series Sarcastic Humor
Author : Julia Quinn
Source : It's in His Kiss

105. “As I finished my rice, I sketched out the plot of a pornographic adventure film called The Massage Room. Sirien, a young girl from northern Thailand, falls hopelessly in love with Bob, an American student who winds up in the massage parlor by accident, dragged there by his buddies after a fatefully boozy evening. Bob doesn't touch her, he's happy just to look at her with his lovely, pale-blue eyes and tell her about his hometown - in North Carolina, or somewhere like that. They see each other several more times, whenever Sirien isn't working, but, sadly, Bob must leave to finish his senior year at Yale. Ellipsis. Sirien waits expectantly while continuing to satisfy the needs of her numerous clients. Though pure at heart, she fervently jerks off and sucks paunchy, mustached Frenchmen (supporting role for Gerard Jugnot), corpulent, bald Germans (supporting role for some German actor). Finally, Bob returns and tries to free her from her hell - but the Chinese mafia doesn't see things in quite the same light. Bob persuades the American ambassador and the president of some humanitarian organization opposed to the exploitation of young girls to intervene (supporting role for Jane Fonda). What with the Chinese mafia (hint at the Triads) and the collusion of Thai generals (political angle, appeal to democratic values), there would be a lot of fight scenes and chase sequences through the streets of Bangkok. At the end of the day, Bob carries her off. But in the penultimate scene, Sirien gives, for the first time, an honest account of the extent of her sexual experience. All the cocks she has sucked as a humble massage parlor employee, she has sucked in the anticipation, in the hope of sucking Bob's cock, into which all the others were subsumed - well, I'd have to work on the dialogue. Cross fade between the two rivers (the Chao Phraya, the Delaware). Closing credits. For the European market, I already had line in mind, along the lines of "If you liked The Music Room, you'll love The Massage Room.”

Tags : Erotica Sarcastic Humor
Source : Platform

106. “Jaime, dear, forgive me, but I don't think you are man enough to take care of my Cass. She's a special kind of difficult.”

Tags : Humor Romance Sarcastic Humor
Author : Mercy Celeste
Source : Wicked Game

107. “Celaena?” Sam asked into the dark. “Should I worry about going to sleep?”She blinked, then laughed under her breath. At least Sam took her threats somewhat seriously.”

Tags : Funny Quotes Sarcastic Humor True
Author : Sarah J. Maas
Source : The Assassin and the Pirate Lord

108. “Every single person I've seen in the past few days asks me about the Leg.How is it?How's the Leg?The Leg is attached. Thanks for asking. There's The Leg right there. It's on display, always outside of the sheets and blanket, although the whole thing is still so wrapped up it looks like I borrowed The Leg from some ancient Egyptian mummy.How's The Leg?It seems a bit mummyish, thanks.”

Tags : Humour Sarcastic Humor
Author : Michael Grant
Source : Eve & Adam

109. “And I’ll wager you thought him the handsomest thing that ever you saw in your life.”“I did. And if you stuck him, and stuffed him, and hung him on the wall, I’d be very glad to admire him. But in life he’s an arrogant pig, and I didn’t care for him at all. ‘Mind who you look at, wench.’ Foo!”

Tags : Arroagance Beauty Sarcastic Humor
Author : Diane Stanley
Source : The Silver Bowl

110. “how tall is it?" [The Harps]"according to the sagas, it links through time and space and keeps our world and your world tethered together""Pretty big, then”

Tags : Funny Sarcastic Humor
Author : Kathryn James
Source : Frost

111. “Life is a bitch. Not even the bitch that fucks everyone but you. She's the bitch with AIDS that doesn't want to fuck anyone but you.”

Tags : Demotivational Humor Life Sarcastic Humor

112. “If you are a writer and you write/understand sarcasm please be thankful to the government and the masses.Without their hard work and supreme idiotism it wouldn't have been possible.You owe them the brutal sarcasm, they've earned it!”

Tags : Sarcasm Sarcastic Humor
Author : Himmilicious

113. “Does this mean we can eat pie today?" Easton asked. Riley let out a snorting laugh. "I know someone who will be." Nice.”

Tags : Innuendo Sarcastic Humor
Author : Erin McCarthy
Source : True

114. “Vorrei chiederle se ha iniziato solo questa sera ad abusare di superlativi, se ha già pensato a come curarsi.”

Tags : Sarcastic Humor
Author : Teresio Vola
Source : Inutili omicidi

115. “I do.” He was clearly amused by my disdain. “We have only been speaking for two minutes, Paige. Try not to waste all your sarcasm in one breath.”

Tags : Sarcastic Humor
Source : The Bone Season

116. “My life is worth living said the Scorpion and showed his sting.”

Tags : Sarcastic Humor

117. “I was speechless. Which is, as you know, very rare.”

Tags : Sarcastic Humor
Source : Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports

118. “Yes, you'd make a great partner for him. What with the embezzling and the adultery and the drinking. That's what every man wants in a wife - a vaguely alcoholic, fornicating thief.”

Tags : Sarcastic Humor
Author : Eleanor Brown
Source : The Weird Sisters

119. “Doubt you’d find anyone as dashingly charming as me”

Tags : Novel Sarcastic Humor
Source : I'm Kita Duran

120. “There is a gay agenda?" he asked. "Naturally. Although marriage is the second item. Draw two." "So what's the first?" Jackson asked, grinning. He seemed to be the only person at the table besides Levi who realized Jaime was kidding. Everybody else was staring at Jaime with open-mouthed shock. "Recruitment. Especially of children. That's why I'm here, in fact. We're having a membership drive this month, and whoever recruits the most minors wins two free tickets to see Kathy Griffin live.”

Tags : Funny Sarcastic Humor
Author : Marie Sexton
Source : Between Sinners and Saints

121. “You're one of those people who fall off a tree and never quite reach the ground.”

Tags : Sarcastic Humor

122. “Kelly was not going to remove her glasses. No matter what the television said about it being safe to do during the 'totality'. The television also told her she wouldn't age if she bought expensive creams and pills.”

Tags : Experience Humor Humorous Humour Life Experience Life Lessons Sarcastic Humor
Source : The Strain

123. “Leave Dad alone" I told Aislinn. "His Britishness is sort-circuiting.”

Tags : Humor Parents Sarcastic Humor
Source : Spell Bound

124. “Father never went into depth about what happened if I woke up, unable to remember how I’d died, but most definitely in the hands of those not selected to have s’mores and sleepovers for all of eternity.”

Tags : Afterlife Hell Sarcastic Humor
Source : The Tribe of Ishmael

125. “While you were out JUDGING others, you left your closet door open...and guess what fell out!....Ooops”

Tags : Life Lessons Sarcasm Sarcastic Humor
Author : Karen Gibbs
Source : A Gallery of Scrapbook Creations

126. “Take care with the words you speak, it's best to keep them sweet..... because you never know when you might have to eat them!”

Tags : Life Lessons Sarcastic Humor Wisdom
Author : Karen Gibbs
Source : A Gallery of Scrapbook Creations

127. “She might have been a for­tune hunter, you know.""Not an es­pe­cially good one." War­ren laughed. "I have no for­tune.""But you will one day." Daniel shook his head. "It's never too soon to take pre­cau­tions.""Ah yes. Lord save me from lovely young women.”

Tags : Sarcastic Humor
Source : Secrets of a Proper Lady

128. “I wanted a real diary, but there wasn't time to visit a stationery store, so instead I ran down to Thrift Drug and got you. According to your cover, you're an 'Official Popeye the Sailor Spiral-Bound Notebook, copyright © 1959 King Features Syndicate.' When I look into your wizened face, Popeye, I know you're a man I can trust.”

Tags : Sarcastic Humor
Source : Towing Jehovah

129. “A lot of people are alive because I shed too much hair to get away with murder.”

Tags : Humor Murder Sarcastic Humor
Author : Darynda Jones
Source : The Dirt on Ninth Grave

130. “...bravo...' Mister Kindly said,'..if only I had hands to applaud..'Mia smacked her backside. 'I'd settle for lips to kiss my sweet behind.'...I would have to find it first...'Arses are like fine wine, Mister Kindly. Better too little than too much.' ...a beauty and a philosopher. be still my beating heart...' The not-cat looked down at its translucent chest '...O,wait...”

Tags : Sarcastic Humor
Author : Jay Kristoff
Source : Nevernight

131. “Ove looks at the group assembled around him, as if he's been kidnapped and taken to a parallel universe. For a moment he thinks about swerving off the road, until he realises that the worst case scenario would be that they all accompanied him into the afterlife.”

Tags : Funny Sarcasm Sarcastic Humor
Source : A Man Called Ove

132. “I really have to befriend this asshole?” I whispered harshly to Dilmore “Yep.” “Well thanks Dilmore this is going to turn out swell.”

Tags : Putsch Sarcastic Humor
Source : Putsch: Volume I Chapter Sampler

133. “If Sam told him, I'd have to kill Sam. Since I didn't have the stomach for outright murder, I'd break his coffee maker.”

Tags : Sarcastic Humor
Author : Melissa Haag
Source : Hope(less)